Honest Assessments

 

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Semeru Times

Honest Assessments

Eternal light cut me bare
Expose my insides
I refuse to share

Disassemble me
Assessments of myself, for myself
Made honestly

Lord, this is your shield
Not another mask
Of which I have to peel

Let’s keep these assessments real
Remove the vestments
To see the real persons behind the pew

What you see is the shine of the lacquer
Over the many layers of paint
Plastering the struggle and the pain

My boy, you see a name carved upon wooden pieces,
For me it symbolises
When I was lost among other faces

You see a red hat with officer bars
I see dreams crushed,
Repertoire of performances

I perform: strength
After I cry in my mother’s car
I perform to your expectations
As I lose honest assessments

Drop all pretensions
I’m only 20
Don’t mistake this sapling for a tree

Past my teens but still
A man in the making
Far from explosive courage

Still running to the fringe
And still hiding at the edge
Still holding these insecure thoughts behind the stage

Take a sling
And a couple of stones
Never be willing to condone these creatures

Though huge,
They are defenceless things
When you face them squarely in the eye

No more hiding behind
A canopy of anxiety and fear
Rush forward with full battle gear!

What you have heard whispered in your ear
Proclaim on the rooftops
“I am Yahweh your God”

I brought you out of Egypt
Where you lived as slaves
But now I have paved a path
Through these giant waves

You were once called stupid
But God’s ways are above men
It was His grace
That made university a part of your plan

You were once bound to mental afflictions
But now you are a free man
You were once nobody at all
A mockery, territory with no defence

But now, you understand
How God’s hand had moved through all the years
How his gentle hand
Had wiped away all your tears

How His love has sustained you
Though you knew you were broken and sinful
And worse still,
Felt that you could save yourself

When you delved into the whirlpool
Of being your own master and god
He had to dive in, pull you till you resurfaced
And could be resuscitated on board


Strengthen the feeble hands
And steady the trembling knees
From the snare of the fowler
You have been released

You have been cured of the deadly disease
You are now found in the comfort
And refuge of my wings

Make honest assessments always
Look deep within
For where your treasure is,
Your heart will also be there beating

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“Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the
desires of your heart”

– Psalm 37:4
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