Testify For Jesus

"To find the Shepherd, we also need to 
 look out for the lost sheep."
 –  Prayer For Living, Year A, Page 16 

"Therefore go and make disciples of all 
 nations, baptising them in the name of 
 the Father and of the Son and of the 
 Holy Spirit"
 –  Matthew 28:19 

When I was a young boy
I must have made my mother annoyed
In the dark room I stood
And put, both my hands together
I knew my mother’s love,
I did not want to let her down
I was trying to muffle the sound
Of tears, flowing down my cheeks
“I want to be a good boy”
I told you from my heart

And you must have smiled,
You must have heard me,
It has been awhile,
And now, we can start
From now, I will let none of your words
Fall to the ground
It is hard to see how,
But I will walk with you, through every storm
And long, have I been pursuing you
Since the day you were born
I am the LORD,
And I have loved you
Even before, you were formed

In kindergarten,
I was the kid
Who peed in the classroom,
Because he didn’t have half the balls
To speak up for his own needs
Because surely, the teacher should call
An end to the lesson soon

I was without a CCA in Primary 3
Because I promptly quit
Taekwondo, on the first day
Simply because I was afraid
Of having to make my own way, home
When I was alone,
I didn’t dare to order food
Although I was hungry and probably should

My math remedial teacher
Told my mother that I was stupid
I was sitting at the same table
And I might have just believed it
Had not my mother, covered me
With blankets of security
Disagreeing, and saying:
“No, my son is not, and I’ll prove it”

I cried when my basketball team lost
Our elderly coach, endorsed our efforts
He said, it was about 体育 (Tǐ yù) and to be 心 (kāi xīn)
But I knew it was a defeat, last year’s team
Accomplished a dream,
They were 4th in the nationals
Any rational being would know that,
Being knocked out of the zone qualifying stages
Was akin to us, the team, being a bunch of failures

I really didn’t think of myself much back then
But I now know that, those were all part of your plans
Not to harm me, but so that I may one day prosper
and glorify thee
How else would I have learnt humility?
How else would would I have known of
The promises you’ve made to me?

Life moved me to St. Gabriel’s secondary
And since I was young,
I’ve had something for the military
So when I saw the camouflage uniform
I knew NCC was the co-curricular activity, I would join
Eventually that moved on to PPP,
Leadership opportunities,
And a mentor who really did believe in me

Do you remember the bible on the bus?
Do you remember that long, long prayer
I would say while taking a bath?

I remember you speaking to me
While I was at the urinal taking a piss
You said don’t hold grudges
Forgive her, for the sake of us
Drop those tensions
And your pretensions of being right
You did write on your blog
Perhaps to vent, and not, to mock
But she found out, and you got caught
But since she’s not going to be the one to say sorry
Then I was the only willing party
Taking the imitative,
I ended the animosity

I remember that bus in the distance
Which made me feel a gentle warmth and love
Which burned within and was alive
You wanted me to arrive home, safely
That day
And in that way,
I could archive you forever in my heart
You allowed me to encounter you
And anchor you, as I felt this one small part
Of your immense love for me
And I couldn’t see, the wounds on your hands
But yet I was happy,
As I could believe

And I couldn’t believe
That a girl so pretty
Would spend her nights talking to me
Funny, how it all started
With questions on Geography
I mean, I was nothing at all
Nothing but lowly
But slowly
I wanted to give her
Nothing but my all

I also couldn’t believe
That the church would leave
The adoration room open
It was past it’s opening hours
And perhaps that was the first time
I told you
I wanted to lay my life down for you
I wanted to give you
Everything and nothing but my all

But no man can serve two masters
In JC, I tried serving three
And so internally I was bleeding
From the blade of my own insecurity
And I had no escape
I was empty, constant raids
Testing the will or perhaps my sanity
Empty bowls of maturity

Fortunately, I did meet a girl
Who introduced me, conceptually
To this idea of community
She too was going through
Her own share of difficulty
But she did embody a light
of faith, which seemed to remove the darkness of the night
And I do hope that one day, she finds her better half,
her companion, her white knight

I remember kneeling and trying to find words
But I must have been
Bleeding too badly from my hurts
My tears could have self-immolated me
As I wept over the psalms,
My guardian angel must have been trying to calm
And consolate me
Holding me in its arms
As I asked you
Why this had to happen to me

But only much later,
Did I know that you must have heard me
And no matter what,
You would never desert me
If in all those difficult moments
You simply appeared before me,
How would I learn to be hungry for you?
How would I gain that discipline and fortitude
Necessary, to keep going, even when we feel
Distanced from you?

But of course you were present
And you kept coming into my life
Through the buzzing of a phone,
You brought the bread of life to me
Your word, of which I was deprived
Since I was alone,
And you stirred within me
Throughout the 1 year 10 months of army
Building me into the man
You’ve always wanted me to be

A man who rejects the worldly
And lives a life which attracts
Others to be holy and to devote
Themselves solely to the faith

I want to come out from my cave
I want to keep chasing a new and better version
Of myself each day
As I: eat, sleep, exercise and pray
Jesus, help me to put aside my childish ways

“I want to be a good boy” still stays
But I want to be more than that
I want to put on your armour
And bullet-proof vest
To help lead the way
For those who stray

I want to be a man who lives for you
For you are the way, the truth,
My life

Jesus be the center

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